Will time tell?

When I made the decision (or when the decision was made for me, depending on how you look at it) to move to Japan, people told me that I was gonna change (for the better) so much, and that I was gonna grow as a person. But the problem is, I don't know if I really do want to change. If changing means not becoming compatable with him anymore, is it really worth it? I'm afraid that if I live here for too long and start changing, the next time we meet, he might not like what he sees. I know a lot of me is too childish and immature and that does need a lot of work, but who knows if I'll change for the better? What if I become someone that he can't love anymore? Then people will say, "Well then it just wasn't meant to be" and leave it it that. But I'm getting tired of listening to people give advice about things they've never experienced. I'm starting to doubt if this is the place where I should be right now. What's the point of being in a relationship if you can't help the one you love when he needs you? There's just a lot of questions that are yet to be answered... I guess time will tell, but I don't know if I'm patient enough to wait. Everyday is so lifeless without him. I don't feel this bubbling energy inside me anymore. I talk less, I smile less, and I laugh less. I never knew that one person can have such an astounding effect on me. And lately with the stupid time difference and the expensive phone cards, we haven't been able to talk on the phone, the one thing that I have going for me right now. I know it's only temporary, and that when we fianlly settle in it'll get better, but I just can't help anxious. Am I too impatient? Maybe that's something I'll learn here. I hope I get to talk to him today. Just hearing his voice makes me feel like I'm sitting on a cloud. Our own little cloud. I would give almost anything to see him right now. I never realized how much it hurts to be away from someone you love this deeply. Just one kiss from him right now would give me the strength to go on for months. I wonder when he's gonna call... はぁ～早くきよの声聞きたいな～。